It’s not what you think that makes a difference

It’s what you say.

Is anyone’s life built on stability? Honestly, tell me – is there such a thing as this? I’ve come to discontinue my faith in it. Instead, I see the entire spectrum of our lives as a platform of shifting sands. There is no stability, no concrete grounds for us to base our lives on. This throws our security-reliant instincts into distress. Without stability, there is no certainty. Without certainty, there is no peace of mind. 

And so, we’re constantly stressed. All we want is to reach for a set future with a swift and easy route to get us there. We envision the large picture of our plan, but never take into consideration the rough spots along the way. 

Obstacles, hitches, unplanned events. 

This is the case for Alex and I. Every month, we have a rosy-painted vision of the near-future. And every day, the plan changes a little more. It warps. It becomes meddled with through reality’s kick. That’s life, right?

It’s life for the original idea to remain fixed, but the road to that vision twists and turns along the way. That’s life. 

And then us; it’s human to react to these scenarios. Angrily, bitterly, woefully, dishearteningly. Or sometimes happily. We have emotions, so we can only respond emotionally to these unplanned events. 

But when things go awry and we curse life for doing this to us? What happens then? We make ourselves the victim of the situation. We feel powerless, tell ourselves there’s nothing we can do. Life got in the way. I can’t do anything about it. 

But that’s more or less a lie we tell ourselves. 

You’re never a victim unless you make yourself one. 

Find out what you tell yourself daily

Alex and I often make the mistake of verbally saying, we don’t have any money for these things. We can’t do this and that because we don’t have the money. And while that may be reality, it also strains the future vision. 

I grew up in a family that complained about money – just like everyone else – on a 24/7 basis. The structure of every financial conversation was pessimistic, hanging negatively over the family’s head where the impression remained permanent – we didn’t have any money. Or at least, there was meager income streaming in and an exorbitant amount flowing back out. 

And guess what? There was never any improvement on that front. While my parents labored for more, the spike upward never happened. We remained a low-income family who splurged when we could. So naturally, the association I made with money turned negative – just like everybody else’s association. My relationship with it had turned sour, just like the rest of the world’s. 

The problem? Was what they told themselves. All those words, fixated in their heads never evolved. And so their financial situation never evolved either.

And so now I’m older, but I carry the same habit of thinking like a broke person. We’re not broke though – but I am constantly repeating to myself the words of my parents. I’m broke. We have no money. We have inadequate jobs. We can never achieve our goals because of it. 

I wrote an article that discusses mindset and it’s affect on our reality. What I’m tantalizing now is exactly that – you have to focus on the better outcome rather than the current situation. This is not a “live in the moment” situation. 

When it comes to problems, focus on the outcome you want to see

Since our lease term is almost up, Alex and I have made the sudden decision to purchase a Mercedes Benz Sprinter and convert it now. This wasn’t our original plan but it does well for our pocket and incites our adventure spirit. Instead of everything starting next spring, it can start now. 

The anxiety over money may never go away. We may always be striving for more, as the hungry wolves we are, but we can assign ourselves a task. Focus on the improvement of the situation. And if you fall back, don’t beat yourself up about it. I won’t go into detail about the umpteenth number of times I’ve tripped over my feet and landed on the floor face down. And all the times I’ve remained in that state, completely giving up on myself? More than I can count. But that’s life. And so I’ve learned from that.

What I’ve learned, I’m sharing with you now. It’s a beautiful thing to find the issue in the moment and instead of ignoring and glossing over it, shining light on the improvement mindset. 

So while Alex and I feel the burdens take a heavy toll on our confidence outlook, we see what can be changed in the way we speak about ourselves. What kind of words do we use? What’s the underlying tone in our sentences when we talk about our current situation? 

I oftentimes find myself commonly using the words “suffer”, “not enough”, “impossible” and “out of reach” numerous times a day, to describe myself and my position in life. And if I don’t say it outwardly, I do inwardly. And how does it affect my mood? I become tired. I feel sluggish, my consistent headache begins to throb again. I see the pattern now.

The power lies in words

So I invite you to ask yourself, what kind of words are you repeating to yourself on a consistent basis? Don’t focus on the positive ones – they’re not important in this specific context. It’s the negative ones you want to learn from. You want to understand what brings you low, what shifts your life’s direction towards disharmony and frustration. Why are you restricting yourself? It’s those restricting thoughts in the back of your head. 

And what do those thoughts become? Direct words, sentences, phrases – on repeat, like a boring song. 

The attitude shifts when the words change – and vice versa. They’re interconnected really. If you want things to work out better in your life, just like me, then I ask you to confront the things that you say, recognize their impact on your emotions and attitude. Then find out why they’re there. Then set yourself free. 

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I like your approach about negativity. It really makes sense to focus on improving the ‘bad’ feelings rather than simply dwelling on the good ones.

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